There's always a choice
by magicmyth
Summary: An alternative view of Cole's return. What would happen if the Charmed Ones questioned why they so desperately wanted to vanquish Cole.and decide to find another way.
1. Default Chapter

There's always a Choice 

Chapter 1

I**_n a plain beyond the Elders reach, beyond the call of evil, two guardians of the universe looked upon the realm that covered the world of witches and demons in the dimension of earth._**

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**_Far away but clear to them, the shadow of a girl in a wasteland of stone and ragged naked cliffs burning red from the fire behind, stood on a rocky outcrop. The girl with love in her eyes turned to look back one more time at the demon standing on a ledge behind her behind, his bearded scruffy form rigid and half mad eyes focused on her as if he was seeing love for the last time, and she transported away leaving him behind standing staring into the wasteland._**

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**_The guardians, floating creatures of human shape, ethereal and beyond time and space, watched. The younger of the guardians, only several eons old, turned to the other and said slowly " And so it begins, but where will it end. "_**

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**_The other answered slowly " It will end where fate takes it "_**

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**_ " And good will prevail? " said the younger one_**

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**_ " Or it won't and many other fates will be decided " said the older guadian smiling gently_**

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**_ " This one has fought hard " the younger guardian said "_**

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**_ " Others have fought as hard and lost " said the older guardian " we can just watch and allow fate to take its course. " Far below the demon saved the witch he loved from a bullet, as her sisters watched helplessly. The older guardian waved its hand in their direction "They have to make the choice or the choice is not true "_**

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**_ " So hard, so hard " murmured the younger guardian " When the fate of souls are so tied together, that they can only exist, even into immortality. Together. "_**

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**_ " Some souls are only complete together " The older guardian said. " Perhaps not such a terrible choice. To exist as a complete entity, fulfilled and content or not to exist. To be good or not to exist. Is this a worse choice than to exist as a half being, incapable of loving or caring, spurned by others, even hated. "The older guardian smiled " Besides souls whose existence are dependent on another often find a strength in the need to protect the other's existence that is not granted to those that exist fro their own sake._**

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**_The younger guardian watched the drama in the realm below and sighed at the direction he watched it take. He watched below as three witches rejoiced in the pregnancy of one of them, and watched as the temptation touched them so gently so softly, none of them realised where they were being directed. The guardian almost whispered " You know, you know what to do, think of what you know and use it wisely " but the witches below had been touched by temptation and closed their hearts to voices that pleaded with them to listen and understand the consequences._**

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**_"They think they know all about evil" the younger guardian said to itself' " They think that evil must always have a shape and a form that they can vanquish. It will be a hard lesson to learn; that good and evil are natural elements of the universe, and must be in balance for the universe to exist. That both can enter souls and change them permanently. I wonder if they care capable of learning it"_**

**_…………………………………………….. _**

For the Charmed sisters it was a time when they finally felt in control of their destiny. They had defeated the Source, they were the acknowledged most powerful witches in the realm. For Piper, her dreams and hopes were coming true and it all seemed so right and natural. Her sisters were safe, the future she saw as a mother would happen. She knew what she wanted and what she was prepared to do to achieve it. She finally had defeated her secret dread. Never again would she have to live with the self doubt, the fear of failure. She had total belief in the knowledge of her own goodness and destiny and her own sense of right and understanding of the nature of evil. 

For Phoebe, it was knowing what she would never be evil again because never again would she allow her heart to rule her life. For her, following her heart opened the the temptation to evil. Better for her to deny love, deny the need, the joy, deny the being she loved, than ever risk temptation again. To love and care for another being, to give another being so much power over her was for Phoebe the path to evil, it would never happen again. She would only "love" where she could control, where she took what she needed and she would discard when she no longer needed it. To exist to care for others was to risk a pain so bad that she would never again allow that hurt to touch her. And as for the demon she had loved, did love, he was the symbol of evil, the symbol of her fear, better to send him away, ignore his peril, blame him for her pain, than face the consequences of her nature. 

For Paige, it was a time of uncertainty and unease, For no reason she could understand, she felt isolated from her sisters, a part of the trio but rejected and often ignored. She sensed some change, something had happened to them and she knew it was not good but her sisters barely listened to her concerns these days. She had an uneasy feeling about the path they were following but they seemed unable to hear her voice when she tried to talk to them. All she knew was that something had changed for the worse but she could see no identifiable evil. Paige alone of the sisters had no sure sense of her destiny. She understood that the Charmed Ones had fulfilled their original destiny and she understood her sisters' belief in their choices but unlike them she did not believe they now owned their next destiny. She believed they started again rather than controlled it. So she spent her time learning her craft and worrying about the future. She shared Phoebe's fear of her demon ex-husband and Piper's growing belief in herself as a super magical being but for Paige there was a long and lingering doubt that this was their true path.

**…………………………………………….. **

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**_The guardian watched and grimaced as the demon ex - husband returned declaring himself good and the witch Phoebe rejected him. It watched as she stabbed him and planned his death and it watched as Phoebe and Piper allowed their own sense of purpose and concern to overwhelm the reason the Charmed trio existed. The guardian watched and felt real pain as the first steps toward the seemingly inevitable fall were taken. It was small really, an innocent asked for help, and the two sisters who should have known better, hesitated to help a mermaid in love, a small thing but the path was set, a choice was made. The only hope was that the younger sister demanded they assist. Would that in the end be what decided all their fates?. Either the younger sister would convince the other two to listen to her doubts, her concerns and look to other choices or the two older ones would brush her and her doubts aside so convinced of their own importance, they would all fall to evil. _**

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**_The younger of the guardians knew it would be better to turn away and not watch what happened below because it knew that it could not change what would happen or make the choices for the players. Only the natural selection, the unassisted and true realisation of good would ensure the balance between good and evil, the natural order. Yet it felt compelled to watch it to the end . It had seen these dramas play out over an eon and the tragedy of loss and the occasional triumph never ceased to effect it._**

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**_The older guardian watched a little while then turned " Come away " it said to the younger " What will happen will happen. The choices are theirs and the consequences will be theirs to share and take responsibility ."_**

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**_"It is a pity other are hurt by those actions " said the younger guardian. _**

**_ The older one smiled sadly " In the end they all have other choices."_**

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**_ " Choices, always choices " said the younger guardian_**

**_The older one shrugged " They know what they need to know " it said. " They have learned the answers. In the end, it all comes to if they can understand what they know " ._**

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**_"It seems so hard when they very belief in their own goodness is the condition of their fall. " the younger guardian answered " It is a pity they cannot understand the balance needed between good and evil, that the trappings of good are actually the path of evil, the self righteousness, the conceit of belief in the correctness of decisions, the unquestioned and thoughtless presumption that their course is the only one and no other path is just."_**

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**_ " That is the course of natural selection " said the older guardian. " Look back at the history of this realm. How any times has evil been inflicted in the name of good. Crusades, Holy wars, Holy inquisition, wars against evil, wars of retaliation, claiming justice when the calling is revenge. They mistake the idea of the ultimate evil, they belief it is the act and the powers that defines the evil, but often it is the meaning behind the act, the same act can be both the apex of good and the penultimate evil, only depending on the belief behind it. When they start defining their goodness by their acts without questioning their motives then, they fall. "_**

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**_Over the next weeks, the guardian just glanced at the drama unfolding below, and each time it looked the drama became grimmer and grimmer.. The guardian watched the demon try to be good and it heard Phoebe tell him he was evil when he tried. "Don't believe her " the guardian whispered to itself hoping somehow the demon would hear it. But all that happened was more pain and more hopelessness as the witches drove him to despair and pursued their path to their own destruction._**

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**_The older of the guardians came to watch, and he saw the demon edge to the brink of madness. They watched him beg for help and have it denied. They watched him chose the role of evil he so feared and they watched the witches in their self - righteousness turn on him. Driven to a belief in his evil destiny, shunned and condemned by those who should have helped him, the demon tried his own self destruction and failed._**

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**_ " Now is the moment " said the older guardian as they watched as the balance of good and evil stood on the brink. The avatars of power offered the demon the unlimited power and he refused. He sent them away screaming he did not want the power. He would not join._**

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**_ " Why, why does this have to happen? " said the younger guardian shaking its head. _**

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**_ The older one sighed " Because always, always their fate is their choice, and while the choice may be very hard and painful, if they do not make it, if anyone else decides it or makes it for them or compromises their choice then it is not their choice and their fate is undecided and we begin the drama again. " _**

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**_The younger guardian smiled " Even so, every time I have seen a being who is pivotal to the balance forced into such a choice, I feel great fear. I see the past when such a being has chosen a path that changes the order, and the evil that followed. " _**

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**_The older one answered " But the natural order, is that good should be stronger than evil, but just enough to keep the forces in balance and there are beings whose fate it is to maintain that balance. And if a being who is fated to keep that balances does not chose that fate perhaps that in itself is fate, to let evil dominate so that good does not become so powerful it turns on itself and mutates into evil of the worst kind . Even evil has a purpose " _**

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**_The guardians looked down on the drama again. They saw the witches confront the demon and they watched the conflict send him into a state of madness. _**

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**_ " They know better, " sighed the younger guardian _**

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**_ " So does he " said the older guardian. _**

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**_ " He knows the answer to his fate, as much as they know the answer to theirs. We can only wait and hope they all understand "_**

**……………………………………………..**


	2. There's always a choice Chapter 2

There's always a Choice 

Chapter 2

Paige stood very quietly in the realm of the Elders looking down for the very first time. Certainly she was only just at the entrance and it would be a long time before she stepped any further into the realm but even in the shrouded light the view was clearer and her thoughts were clearer than she ever remembered. She had never tried to orb to the realm before but she needed badly to come somewhere where she could escape from her sisters ideas, their views their beliefs, and this seemed to be somewhere that the perspective was different. She jumped suddenly as someone spoke behind her.

Sam her father walked behind her. He touched her shoulder and she spun around. He smiled. " You should be happier than you look " he said. " Welcome " he said gently.

Paige glanced around her. The "up there" that Leo spoke about, had a peace that Paige had not expected. Somehow she had imagined the cloud and the quiet would be oppressive, as if she was caught in a thick fog, but the light appeared to be a kaleidoscope of colour as if it was reflected through a prism. Things seemed much simpler than where she had come from.

" I see things differently from here " Paige said quietly to Sam.

" That's good "Sam answered.

" No its not " she replied sadly " Sam I needed to talk to some - one who well has less rigid ideas about good and evil than the rest of my family. " 

" And you could not ask Leo " Sam enquired as he took Paige's hand and led her to a bench seat that seemed to have appeared at his wish.

" Leo is family " Paige said cryptically. She turned to Sam and almost pleading asked him " How do you know what is good?. When you believe you are good, how do you know you are,?. Could you possibly believe that you are the ultimate in good and yet be the ultimate in evil? "

" No " Sam replied –You would know you were the ultimate in evil. It would be a choice "

" Would you necessarily know that the things that you did leading up to that choice were evil " she asked

" You would always have a choice " Sam said " because the nature of the battle between good and evil is that one side or the other can only win when the choice is willingly made, but "he added " you may be so blinded by evil, so seduced by it that the choices you make seem so clear, so you fail to recognise them as evil until it is to late. Deep down you know they are bad but you feel so satisfied with yourself when you make the choices you chose to ignore all those warning voices and thoughts. "

Paige nodded " That is what I am afraid of."

Sam asked quietly " You know some - one who may have fallen, so badly they fail to recognise what they have done "

Very quietly Paige answered " I am terribly afraid I do "

" My sisters aren't very good at listening to me Sam " she said sadly " You know one of my powers is to sense evil. But my sisters seem to have a big problem with that. I knew it when Cole went evil and Phoebe and Piper refused to believe me and I feel evil around me now, but they just keep saying they are more experienced with magic and I am just learning and they won't listen "

Sam looked at his daughter " Perhaps it is the nature of evil that you feel surrounding you which is stopping them listening. What does Leo say?"

" Leo says what Piper tells him " Paige grinned

" That alone is evil " said Sam

Paige stood up. She held out her hand to Sam and then changed her mind and hugged him. "Thank you for listening " she said sincerely

" No " replied Sam hugging her back " Thank you for asking "

Paige returned to the manor. As she orbed into the kitchen, everything felt very clear and she was very sure what she had to say but when she left the orb she was only aware of a vague discomfort at the actions her and her sisters and she found herself wondering if she had even imagined the problem. But it was enough to fill her with concern as she listened to Phoebe and Piper who were locked in a conversation about getting rid of Cole.

" This one was final " Phoebe raged " He's crazy, crazy with evil, crazy with lust. Crazy with power Piper we have to get rid of him before he tries to lead evil, tries to become the source again because this time if he did we would never be able to defeat him."

" Well you won't get any arguments from me " Piper answered " And we have to do it soon, while baby here can still make me strong enough to protect us against him because after she is born we don't know how we will be able to tap into her powers or even if we can "

Paige joined in " You think if we defeat Cole this time, we will finally be rid of evil. You think he is the ultimate evil "

" You've got any doubts " Piper bit out at her.

" I just wondered if it was possible that there was some other way " Paige replied.

" Paige " Piper answered " We have no other choice. " Paige heard the word and it started to ring in her head. Choice. Choice. Choice. Over and over again. As a warning, as a plan.

Piper unaware that Paige was thinking pushed the point " You've seen what he can do. He would have sacrificed you without hesitation just because he is lusting after Phoebe " She threw her hands in the air "Paige all he can think of is that he must have Phoebe, regardless of the effect on anyone else, regardless of consequences, regardless of the price anyone else must pay "

" Yes " Paige answered " that is the ultimate evil, getting what you want regardless of what it costs anyone else. " She sighed and turned to Phoebe " Are you sure you want to do this ? You want to get rid of Cole like this ?"

Phoebe moved closer to Piper, so the two were almost huddled together " Paige –she bit out " How can you ask me that? You've seen what he's become. You've seen what he's done to me, what he's done to us. All he wants is for me to be evil with him again, and he will do anything, sacrifice anything to make that happens. "

Paige swallowed and asked " Is that the ultimate evil Phoebe, wanting you? Apart from wanting you, and doing anything he can to get you, what else has he done that is evil, has he hurt any innocents that we know about? "

Piper and Phoebe stared at her " He killed those bikers, he killed that landlord " Piper said

" Neither was really innocent " Paige said

Piper threw her hands in exasperation " They were human " she answered.

Paige just smiled awkwardly, feeling her sisters were unlikely to accept that she knew more about innocence than them " Are you so sure? Don't you have any doubts? " she asked " Isn't there some other way? "

" No " bit out Phoebe and Piper in unison

The sisters stood in the kitchen staring at each other. Phoebe and Piper huddled close together, Paige opposite and aside from them. " Not even a small doubt Phoebe " Paige said quietly and it was a statement not a question.

" Do you think I could do this if I had even a small doubt " Phoebe raged at her sister.

" No I don't " Paige responded crossing her arms defensively as Phoebe glared at her " What I don't understand why you don't have any doubts. You loved Cole " Paige said "Don't deny it. So I can't understand why some small part of you does not want to be sure there is no other way. "

Piper threw her arms in the air " Paige you cannot possibly think that there is any doubt that Cole is evil "

But Paige had learnt a little wisdom in the last year and refused to be drawn " It's not about Cole, Piper " she said "It's about us. I want to be sure than, when we vanquish Cole it's for the right reasons, so that I'm not going to spend the rest of my life wondering if I could have made some different choice "

Piper laughed and it was not a pretty laugh " Paige what other choice to we have but to vanquish him"

And Paige very nearly became angry " I don't know Piper " she bit out " What have we considered? "

Piper turned away in disgust " This is ridiculous " she said and walked, stalked out of the kitchen, leaving Paige and Phoebe alone. Paige her arms crossed defensively and unsure what she was arguing, Phoebe angry and all but hating her sister for even questioning the walls she had built to protect herself from pain.

Paige tried one more time. She crossed the room to stand close to Phoebe. She extended her arm to gently touching Phoebe on her wrist " Phoebe " Paige pleaded " Just remember when we met your future self. She said she had lived a life of regret because we vanquished Cole. Phoebe what did she regret, not trying, not finding another way. That Phoebe was prepared to die for him, even when she knew he was the Source. Phoebe what if that bitter old woman is still the future you. Maybe this is the only chance you have not to be her."

Phoebe stared at Paige as if here sister had committed the ultimate act of betrayal, questioning her, accusing her. Tears started to form in her eyes and she spun on her heel and ran upstairs. Paige upset and wondering if she had pushed her sister to far, hesitated and then ran upstairs after her.

Paige followed Phoebe into the bedroom she had shared with Cole. Phoebe spun around as Paige followed her, her eyes wet and tears pouring down her face. Paige feeling almost as if she was a traitor, took a deep breath and asked Phoebe, "Don't you have any doubts at all. I mean when we first came together, Cole was the love of your life. He found me. It's only because of him that I am even a Charmed One. I remember how you said you would love him all your life. I remember " Paige smiled "you were very cross with me when I wanted to make the love of your life bait. Are you sure you can think of no other way than vanquishing Cole? "

However Phoebe, bitter and heartsick had convinced herself that she had never loved Cole. " Cole used me " Phoebe bit out " he used me to become powerful and evil and the only way he can be stopped is to totally destroy him. It's the only way we can rid the world of evil "

" Are you sure " Paige pursued " Phoebe killing Cole won't rid the world of evil. You know as well as I do that there is always going to be a balance between them. Phoebe I am wondering at the consequences of killing Cole. He is so powerful that if we destroy him, there will be a huge vacuum of evil and that will be filled."

" Well let something good and powerful fill it " Phoebe snapped.

" That's what I am afraid of " Paige said. Paige had run out of arguments. She stepped toward her sister to offer some comfort but stopped as Phoebe turned away and reduced to tears herself, left Phoebe alone.

Phoebe wandered around her room, feeling bitter and angry, and looking forward to the end of all this, the day Cole was no longer part of her life and she could go back to being the girl she had been before she met him. She hated him, she saw him as the culmination of all evil and of all her problems. If he had never come into her life, she would never have suffered this pain, this agony, she would be the innocent girl again. Everything would be the way it was if Cole no longer existed, she could pretend he never had existed, never mention his name again, find love where she was in control, pretend she had never known the depths of evil. Life could be simple again, good would be good and evil would be evil, never any doubts. The ease, the peace of it.

She did not need Paige to make her feel any doubts. Phoebe suddenly hated Paige. What right did Paige have to make her feel anything for Cole again. Feeling something for Cole had brought her to this. " Damn Paige, " she said aloud " Damn Paige. I hate her " And then suddenly Phoebe realised what she had said, and her tears dried, as she wondered what had brought her to the point where she could hate her sister.

She glanced at her reflection in the mirror and just for a second as she looked at her reflection she was struck by a intuition. The girl she saw in the mirror was never going to be the naive innocent any more. She was older, older in many ways than people who had lived twenty years more than her. Her eyes were no longer a girl's eyes, they were eyes that had known life, great happiness and great sorrow, pain and joy,. The body pretty and taut was a woman's body, one that had known love and pain and she choked, as the thought she had hidden buried deep overwhelmed her. " Damn Paige, damn Paige, damn Paige " Phoebe said aloud again " I hate her "

That was the problem, no matter how much she pretended, tried to ignore it, Cole had existed as the focus of her life and to deny his existence was going to be deny many of the best parts of herself. While she stood in that room, she knew that no matter how much she pretended to the world she was never going to forget him, or bury him any more than she could bury the hidden thoughts about the life that had grown in her body. " Damn Paige, damn Paige, damn Paige " Phoebe said a third time " I hate her for making me think like this "

She suddenly glanced around the room and a memory that was so strong of Cole in that room overwhelmed her and just for a second when no one was around her to remind her of what her love had cost them. When Piper had was not there to speak his name with scorn, to say she did not blame Phoebe for what his presence had caused with all the blame she could summon in her voice, when Leo was not there to preach of the inevitability of evil, Phoebe could guiltily remember she once loved the demon. For a few seconds Phoebe as an addict hides a secret vice, indulged a memory. She saw Cole's face the first time he came to that room, when he had told her that the only way they could love was if they were both good, because evil could only lust. She saw him the first time he came to her bed in that room, laughing, nervous whispering words of love, of thanks to her for what she gave to him. In that room they had shared laughter and life and pain, she saw him standing at the door, eyes narrow, almost evil, as he said marriage was still a part of his plans, she saw his face as he lied to her, as the source lied to her about things he could no longer tell her.

There was bitterness in that room, then she felt the strongest memory was him, distraught and in pain, touching the athame he had used to kill witches and ponder his guilt, and it was probably the only time she had ever seen Cole as he really was, a man of great good fighting a great evil. knowing he would never escape it, clever, hating what he had been and in love with her. She had trusted him then, more than he had trusted himself, believed in him then.

She looked up and saw that girl in the mirror, beautiful and wise, willingly facing evil and good, feeling the choices, believing. Loving. And for a second the girl she had been there was still in her face then the girl faded and all that was left was the hate filled woman whose eyes were totally dulled to all compassion and feeling for other people.

And the thought crossed her mind for a second that her destiny should not have been to remain the innocent naive child woman, but be the woman who had shared that moment with Cole, beautiful of face and soul, understanding love, neither judging nor damning, offering help and heart. That would have been as destiny worth fighting for."I hate you Paige " she said aloud again as all the bitterness of regret overwhelmed her. And then she started to shake with fear at what she had become, to even think that she could hate her sister.

Almost beyond her own control for a second, Phoebe opened a drawer of her dresser and pulled a box from the back. It was a secret treasure trove that never before had she pulled out or touched since the moment they had packed Cole's things in the apartment after that first vanquish.

Just a few things of his that had found their way into her bags, off their dresser, a comb and brush, stupid thing like a stick of lip balm. Almost beyond her control she touched the brush and was projected premonition so strong, that she could barely breath from the pain. She saw Cole as the source, bent on controlling her, evil, ugly, a being so contemptible that she could look at him and feel nothing but hatred and desire for his death. She watched him plot and try to kill her sisters, she watched him try to kill her and then, feeling everything of that premonition, she watched with overwhelming pleasure, Cole's final and ultimate destruction. And she knew the Charmed Ones had won, they had defeated the symbol of all evil and wiped away everything he had been and Phoebe was struck by an overwhelming sense of relief that coursed through the body of the Phoebe of her premonition and for a few moments the Phoebe of the past rejoiced in the relief of freedom from Cole, She tried to pull back from the premonition but was forced to continue, something dragged her on and to her bemusement she started to see a future without him, to be Charmed One in a world without Cole.

She saw at first a world that seemed at ease, she was having fun, she was laughing, but then it slowly occurred to her that the woman she was looking at was a cold hearted creature, a woman so self centred ands so focused on herself that she was beyond love and beyond caring. She saw the expressions and response around her and became suddenly aware that this woman so ugly and mean, was hated, She saw Piper, and the Piper she saw was just as ugly, embittered, vicious and unlovable, a petty dictator, a person so unlovable as to drive away those who had once cared for her, And Paige, Paige was almost invisible, it was as if she barely existed in their world, over whelmed by the ugliness of her sisters. And she saw Leo, a self righteous moralising man, beaten down by his wife and whipped into submission.

The Phoebe of the present looked at the Charmed Ones of the future ands saw, to her horror, the ultimate evil; persons so self centred and self focused they were hated and finally deserted, by those who had once loved them, And the evil that they had become compounded and grew till they were finally no longer even powerful, small bitter people vanquished by a greater evil, lost in a maze of ugliness and the only tears that those who had once was loved them shed at their vanquish was for the loss of what might have been.

Phoebe saw in that bitter premonition, not only the defeat of her sisters but in her last vision the rejoicing of those who watched them die, those who had once loved them cheering and shouting.

She staggered back from the vision. To realise that her fate was to be so immoral because she vanquished Cole, that it would ultimately lead to her own degradation and fall to total evil was almost incomprehensible to her. He was the one who was evil, he was the one who had dragged her to evil, he was the one who destroyed and she lay there breathing deeply in pain and then it slowly occurred to her that it was the not the vanquishing of evil that caused her to fall but the reason. She wanted to vanquish, not to save the world, not to protect the innocents Cole might kill but to free herself, to save herself the pain of understanding, the pain of choice and of the fight against evil. She was doing it to win the war against the evil in herself, the one that had been fought within her since she was a child.

She realised that the vanquishing she had seen of Cole was nothing more than an act of murder for her own benefit. Phoebe turned on her side and sobbed,.

**…………………………………………….. **

**_The guardian stared an overwhelming relief catching him, He turned to the others and said " She finally opened her heart enough to listen to see the pain and the ache. To see the possibilities. "_**

**_ " Wait " said the older guardian, " we must wait, all she has discovered there is a choice. "_**

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**_ " Its a start " said the younger guardian._**

**……………………………………………..**


	3. There's always a choice Chapter 3

There's always a Choice 

Chapter 3

Phoebe came downstairs. Her hair was a tangled mess, her eyes were red and swollen from crying. She was confused and disorientated, no longer certain of what she felt, doubting the certainty of her belief that vanquishing Cole was the way to go.

Piper was reading quietly in the kitchen, when Phoebe entered. She looked up at her sister and said "OMG what's wrong? " 

Phoebe sat beside her and said slowly " I had this premonition of us van - killing Cole "

" You found a way " Piper said gleefully

" Yes " Phoebe said " He becomes totally evil, not like he was before when he had a soul but as if that is totally destroyed and just the evil is left and we -we vanquish him, using his own power "

" This is good " Piper said jumping up "This is very good "

" No its not " Phoebe answered miserably "because he is evil, I think ,because we use his evil power, I saw what happens to us. Piper it destroys us, using his power like that turns us more evil than him "

" Soulless " Piper breathed.

Phoebe nodded.

" Well " said Piper "you get these premonitions for a reason, a warning, we have to find a way to destroy Cole without using his own evil. "

Phoebe brightened "Yes "she said " Maybe it's a warning to find a way to destroy Cole with good magic.

**………………………………. **

**_The guardian watching hopeful visibly groaned. _**

**………………………………. **

Piper immediately jumped on the idea, " There is a way " she said " I just can't find it yet. " She sighed " Cole is to strong now for family magic but if we can find a way to use family magic and the power of my baby. We're stronger, more powerful witches than we were before. There is a way I know it and I'm sure this premonition was a means of letting us find that way."

Phoebe looked as if she was going to start crying again. Piper put her arm around her. " Don't worry sis " she said. "We'll find a way to get rid of Cole and you will never even have to think of him, even remember he existed. " The tears welled in Phoebe's eyes and she smiled " You're right " she said

Piper smiled " You know I'm right. Cole is the ultimate evil now "

Phoebe eyed her sister through the tears and this time the part of her that recognised evil, the part of which she was so frightened skipped a beat.

" Yes " she said " You are right. " and the tears dried.

They called Leo and Phoebe told him of her premonition and asked what it all meant. Leo agreed that it was a warning, to vanquish Cole before he turned completely evil and to make sure it was done with white magic. Cole must be stopped before he turned totally evil. Leo went to check with the Elders if they could think of any white magic that would destroy the ultimate evil.

Paige, after trying to talk to Phoebe, had orbed out for a long walk around the harbour, hoping the water and being surrounded by ordinary people may make things a little clearer but she returned home, feeling more distressed and concerned at the road her sisters were taking. She heard Phoebe and Piper talking in the kitchen and went in. They told her of the premonition. Concerned she asked her sisters if they were sure that was what it meant. 

Piper stared at Paige in exasperation. " Paige what else could it mean " She snapped " we're the Charmed Ones, we're the most powerful witches in the world. That is what we do, rid the world of evil, and this evil has to go before I lose the means to do it " and Piper touched her belly.

Paige looked down and then stared upward as Piper snapped . She thought about not answering, knowing from experience that arguing with Piper was next to useless, but then something in her made her say it " I thought out role was to protect the innocent "

" Yes " snarled Piper " by getting rid of evil. And we do it by getting rid of Cole so our lives can get back to what they used to be before Phoebe even got involved with him"

Paige sighed giving into the inevitable, that her sisters would not listen to her concerns, that they believed their knowledge stronger and better than hers. But this time something in her words caught Phoebe and she felt suddenly by the terrible feeling of regret that she had experienced earlier in her bedroom. It was overwhelming and nauseating and Phoebe recognising it, decided that of all the angry hurt feelings she had experienced in the last six months, this terrible overwhelming regret must be the worst.

Leo returned and said the Elders could clearly think of no white magic. "Useless as ever " snarled Piper, "Sometimes I think we could be so much better without the damned Elders. After all it's us who take the risks who put ourselves on the line.

Paige looked at her questioningly and then glanced at Leo, who was looking a little concerned.

" Honey " he said " Maybe you ought to tone it down a little, the Elders have their reasons. "

Phoebe sighed " Couldn't they give you anything to help " she asked sadly

Leo shook his head, hesitated, then he said "One did say something " he answered " One said that you already know the answer. Look to what you have learnt already "

Piper slammed the Book of Shadows shut " That is ridiculous " she said " we've been through this thing ten times, there is nothing there that can help us vanquish Cole "

The wave of remorse suddenly caught Phoebe again and she almost unnoticed slide out of the kitchen,. She wandered without any real purpose to the parlour. "Its only because we are facing the end " she said to herself. " He was part of my life for two years. I must feel something. "

She stood the parlour looking. The problem was that the manor suddenly became oppressive with Cole's presence. He lived in the manor and had been all over it. She could see him in that parlour, the memory bittersweet of Prue fighting the Seekers. Prue had gone crazy, kicking into them beating into them, taking her pain and hate out on them. Funny how Cole had stopped her. Funny how Cole had known the difference between vanquishing them to protect an innocent and taking vengeance. Phoebe stopped and felt her heart contract. She cursed Paige out loud. Paige had made her feel. Paige had made her think about time gone by.

" Know the answer " she thought bitterly. The Elders were useless. Piper was right, they were better off without them. Look at what they had done with almost no help from the Elders.

What had they done, lately she thought. Killed the source, fought the source Cole in one form or another for nearly a year,. Saved each other. Innocents where were the innocents? They had saved the world. Where were the innocents?, Eva, perhaps, what about Theresa, Adam Prinze. Cole had saved him. The future whitelighter. Cole had saved her, Paige's father Sam, Cole had saved him. The mermaid, well that was something, at least they had saved her, when Paige insisted.

When was the last innocent they had saved. Miles? no he had to die. Cole when was he an innocent. Oh God when he took his powers back to save her. Could she have saved him as an innocent then, was there anything else? " Don't think " Phoebe told herself, " don't think. "

She went into the conservatory, but Cole's presence suddenly filled it. She could see him laughing, she could see him begging her not to go underground to save the muses. She had known what to do then, the answer had been simple, the innocent was more important and she had told him so.

This was stupid, she told herself, What is happening? Cole is nothing to me. A bad boy lover, a taste of evil, a way of finding out what I don't want in a man. Why was she suddenly being haunted by a vision of blue eyes. Damn that premonition.

Paige and Piper were arguing in the kitchen, with Leo between them . Paige wanted to review the Book of Shadows again. Piper thought the answer was in finding away to merge the power of her baby with the source- vanquishing spell.

" Cole isn't the source ..yet " Phoebe said walking in the room.

" Not so you would notice " snorted Piper. " I hate him. I want him gone. "

" Why do you want him gone Piper " Paige asked " because he is evil or because you hate him ?"

Paige " Leo said warningly but she persisted suddenly inspired " because if you want to vanquish him because you hate him, that is really scary stuff."

Piper muttered " Paige don't be silly. He's evil he has to go "

Paige looked intently at Piper " That's what it felt like when the source tried to seduce me to the evil side, when I tried to kill that man in vengeance for hurting his child. I felt he was so evil he had to go, Only as it turned out, it was me who was evil. "

Suddenly Piper slammed the Book of Shadows shut. " That does it "she said. "There is no white magic that we have ever used that can vanquish Cole. And we know from Phoebe's premonition that we'll turn evil if we vanquish him with dark magic, where does that leave us? "

" That leaves us with the only choice not to vanquish him " Phoebe said bitterly,

" Not funny " Piper snapped " He's the ultimate evil "

Leo stopped suddenly in his tracks " he's not the ultimate evil yet Piper " he said " Its just he will be if we don't stop him. "

And then Paige had asked the simple question that left them floundering. "Why do we have the right to kill someone who isn't evil, he may be going there but he isn't evil yet. Doesn't that make us evil, just killing some one because we are scared of what they might do. "

As her words sunk in, the three Charmed Ones stared at each other. Piper bit out "Don't be ridiculous "

And stopped as she saw Phoebe white faced almost as if she was going to faint.

" We're not like that " Phoebe said sadly, knowing with a sudden burst of premonition that they were exactly like that. Phoebe suddenly hated Paige for opening her up to that first premonition

She needed to escape " I'm going to bed" she said.

She went to bed, but all she could be aware was that Cole had shared that bed with her and that he was about to die, and once again she was overwhelmed by by an incredible sense of regret. And all night she lay there remembering that there was a time when she loved Cole and now she was going to kill him, before he could destroy all the that was good in the world.

Piper went to bed but did not sleep . She sat up fuming, angry at Paige for questioning her, angry at Leo for not supporting her, angry at the Elders for being useless and angry at Cole for existing, for ever having existed.

" I can't understand how those damned useless Elders can say something as worthless as look to what you already know. " she raged.

Leo tried to calm her "If they knew anything more I am sure they would have told me "

Piper suddenly lost it "You're just as useless as they are Leo" she snarled " Sometimes I wonder why you're even here. I mean Paige can heal us now and all you do is bring useless information from the Elders "

Leo lying beside her, turned away, Piper caught up in her world, snarled " What is it with Phoebe? She better not be even thinking that Cole is anything other than evil . I swear if he has found a way to get at her again. I will find a way to doubly vanquish him. I wouldn't be surprised if it was Cole ho found a way to create that premonition, she had. "

Piper suddenly realised that Leo was not responding to her. She caught him by the shoulder and said "What's the matter "

Leo turned to her and to her surprise he had a glimmer of a tear in his eye. " Piper can you hear yourself " he said " You're talking like there is some vendetta between you and Cole. Like you're taking on the evil of the world, when you take on Cole, and when you defeat him you are defeating it. You are talking as if you see yourself as some super witch avenging evil for what you think it has done wrong, not a Charmed One protecting innocents "

" Well I am at the moment " Piper answered " Leo, this baby has made me invincible and that is the only reason my family is still alive, because I have the power to hold Cole off. He has never defeated me, he can't defeat me. And that is the only thing that saved us. But I swear I will get him "

Leo was suddenly hit by a reckoning of his own " Piper " he said slowly " you sound like Prue "

She laughed " Thank you" she said " But Prue would not have let this situation get to this, she would have stopped Cole before he became invincible.

Piper " Leo said slowly " It was thinking that she was undefeatable that got Prue killed "

" Well Cole is not going to kill me " Piper said. "He can't "

" That's what Prue said " Leo replied. "Remember when she was overtaken by the sin of Pride, how close she came to dying, and Piper you know I loved Prue but Prue could be very arrogant. It was her arrogance that led to your exposure as witches. You may have lived another time line but I remember the other and I know what happened,"

" Oh don't be ridiculous " Piper snapped and turned on her side away from Leo.

Paige lay awake and unhappy. She loved her sisters, but those two people she had talked to had made her wonder not for the first time in the last six months, how those two women acted so differently from the sisters she had first known. She wondered what had changed. Phoebe? it was not hard to understand. She had literally been to hell and back because of her love for Cole and the pain pf loss and fear of being evil again seemed to have made her harder and so involved in herself, she had lost her direction and for a second Paige hated Cole so much just for turning, the sister she had first known, the one who would lie top Piper for her, the one who had welcomed her to the family with open arms, into the bitter angry women Phoebe was now. And Piper, Piper had been touchy right from the start, it was who she was, but Piper now seemed consumed by the power she held, and her role as defender. It was almost as if the power and responsibility had turned her into an evil apparition. And there Paige stopped her thoughts.


	4. There's always a choice Chapter 4

There's always a Choice 

Chapter 4

Piper lay awake as Leo breathed noisily beside her. She could never have imagined herself as angry as she was at Leo right now, to imply that she was out of control on power seeking vendetta against Cole, to say that she was like Prue. Being like Prue was fine, to imply being like Prue was a problem. That was ridiculous. Suddenly Piper threw back the covers ands jumped out of bed. She left the room and went to that attic. She retrieved the blue candles from the chest they kept the witch tools, inevitably remembering Prue threatening her when she wanted to take that chest away. And for a second Piper softened and there was a glimmer of the girl she had been.

Piper put the candles in a circle and opening the Book of Shadows, she read the calling a lost witch spell. She really did not believe it would work, that she would see Prue but she was caught by an overwhelming anger to prove Leo wrong.

It came as a total shock to her when Prue appeared in a transparent ghost form .

It was Prue and not Prue, Her hair was shorter and she wore a long bluish gown, that was cut a good deal tighter and more stylish than Piper would have believed appropriate to a ghost.

" Prue " she breathed " What have you done to you hair? "

" Cut it " Prue answered sharply, then laughed " its .. good .. to see you again sis "

" I never thought I would see you again " Piper said.

" Grams told you, that you would see me when you need me " Prue said gently.

" It's not that I need you exactly " Piper said " Its just " she swallowed, then rushed on " Leo said, I was getting like you and that's fine by me, but I had to know if some of the things he said about you.. going were true "

Prue smiled a little, " Go on " she said

" Leo said, he said you caused your.. passing, then he said I was going the same way. Prue you know how much I love Paige but I have never stopped missing you, and I can't help thinking that all this mess with Cole would not have happened if you had been ..here still." Piper added anxiously, falling into old habits of being Prue's little sister, asking advice, asking approval.

" Yes " Prue answered carefully " It is exactly what would have happened. That is why I had to .. leave "

" I don't understand " Piper muttered

" That's a good sign " Prue said. "Piper love " she said reaching and stalling when she could not touch. "I know a few things now I did not then. Piper being good isn't just a matter of thinking you are good. I made some mistakes you know " Prue said with the air of some- one admitting a great secret " and I failed the test. You see you and Phoebe passed the test of good then and I failed and it was better I went than destroyed you."

Piper stared at Prue in disbelief. " Prue, I still don't understand. " Piper said. "You were the best of us. You were the one who kept us on track, you were the one who took on evil regardless of the cost or consequences"

" It's simple " Prue said " those damned consequences are what it is all about, not what we do but why we do it. Being good is a constant commitment to the nature of good. We were tested that day . Phoebe passed. She went to Cole. She heard the voice of a soul crying for help, trusted him, had faith in him and she passed, and you believed in me and Leo and when faced with the inevitable of exposure, you did not go for vengeance or anger, you faced it and the consequences. Me ,when I was questioned, when it seemed like I would lose you, I never really looked at other choices but just used my power, just listened to my anger and wanted vengeance. If I had lived I would have turned, I would have turned us down a path that was very dangerous, I would have believed that I was right to do that and it would have led all of us to evil. "

"Prue " Piper said " you could never be evil."

"Well the road to hell is paved with good intentions " said Prue " I didn't intend it, but I wasn't vigilant. I thought I was .. good. I thought I was ..right. Piper love its hard when you feel you are responsible, that you must protect when you feel if you show any doubt., everything you care about will be destroyed, its hard to trust your own doubts, to question, to listen to other voices and other ways." Prue stretched her hand out as if to touch her sister "Piper love, I think you need to be sure you have considered all the choices. You need, honey, not to be me"

" You mean about Cole " Piper said.

" I mean –Prue answered carefully " That its not always..good ..to believe you know the answers, that you and you alone know the way. " Prue sighed "Remember when I used to get mad at Phoebe because I thought as she was the youngest, she never knew what was right. I should have listened to her more. She was right going to Cole then and maybe someone else in the family is being wiser than you right now. Maybe they are wiser because they have purer motives. That was always it with me and Phoebe. Piper I have to go. I shouldn't have come. I am not supposed to. But I know you are hurting. damn them " she said "You need someone Piper "

" I'm glad you did " Piper said softly.

" I know what it is like to feel you have no -one to turn to, to look after you. I could not let my little sister hurt. " Prue said.

" About Cole " Piper asked

Prue shook her head " He's beyond those I see. They have no idea about him "

Piper said " He's evil Prue. He'll destroy us "

Prue crossed her hands " I thought he was an innocent once but you may be right " She hesitated and then said " I watched Piper. I saw Phoebe 's premonition. He certainly did in that. He always, always choses to protect Phoebe, what has changed? "

Then as she faded, she stopped " Piper, you, you already know the answers. Look to what you already know. All of you. Give my love to Phoebe " and she disappeared with only the flickering candle light indicating to Piper she had really been there

Piper sat curled on the attic sofa, with a rug huddled around her, thinking of things gone by. Thinking of Prue and almost laughing at her and the memory of her sin of pride, and then the dawning realisation that was exactly what Prue was trying to tell her. Pride was the sin the evil that could not be defeated. Piper started to think how much easier it had been when Prue had been there to take charge. To decide and it suddenly hit her, easy for every one but Prue. It had cost Prue her life, because she fell to the evil of belief in her own invincibility. Piper began to think of the first time she had had to act without Prue. When Prue had been turned into a dog, to find the banshee.

Piper remembered trying to vanquish Cole after she had summoned him when Phoebe had turned into a banshee. Funny how Cole had never really been angry about that, in fact he seemed to regard it as a joke. Not like now, this was different. And then it hit her, how was this different and it was because that time, Cole was not evil, hurting bitter and confused but not evil. There had been times when Piper had had nightmares about that, because if Cole had not protected himself from that potion, the consequences would have been horrendous, Phoebe would have been an evil banshee, the Charmed Ones would have been lost, Paige never found, so many bad things would have happened. This time of course she was sure of what Cole was, but then in horror she remembered she had been very sure what Cole was then too. Only .He. Was. Not. Evil. Then.

Phoebe as a banshee, taken over by evil, returned only because she had not committed an evil act, lucky Cole had been there. Then Piper remembered herself turning into a fury, god if she had killed some one. Lucky Cole had been there, then Paige as a vampire, even as the source Cole had killed the queen. Lucky Cole had been there,

And Piper stopped in horror. " Oh God she thought. Cole, Cole, Cole I hate him. I hate him. I know the answer."

She ran down the stairs and banged on Phoebe's then threw it open. " I know the answer " she said "to Cole." Paige appeared at her door, her red ringed eyes evidence she had had little sleep,

" What " said Paige

Piper almost teary said " Cole . I know the answer" and then she softened a little and said " at last I think I do

**_……………………. _ **

_Far away in a realm much different from the world of the Charmed Ones as a guardian of the universe breathed a sigh of relief._

**_……………………. _ **

" What is the answer? " Leo asked appearing at the bedroom door obviously sleepy "

Piper shook a little as she answered " There is no white magic to kill him, and we can't use evil magic. The answer is he must not die " she said her voice wavering as Paige sagged in relief and Phoebe went white ands started to shake.

The girls and Leo sat around the kitchen bench drinking coffee and quiet as they contemplated that from a misconceived sense of good and evil, evil had nearly tempted them into doing something grossly wrong. Phoebe's premonition was not to warn them to avoid using black magic to destroy Cole but to warn them not to destroy him at all. Cole becoming the Source did not make him the ultimate evil. The ultimate evil was that they in self righteous conceit nearly committed an act of gross evil, destroying a victim of evil, by confusing the victim with the nature of evil. In their belief in their own understanding of good, they had driven an innocent to the brink of evil.

After almost an hour's silence as each of the four contemplated their role, Piper suddenly said " This is so frightening. Every other time we have faced evil, been turned to something evil, there has always been a villain someone or something we can defeat, but this has just been the nature of evil itself infiltrating, finding our weak spots, preying on who we are."

" That's what evil does " Leo answered " I'm so sorry. I should have realised. I should have noticed something." He stared glumly into his coffee, realising once again t hat he let Piper push him into failing the sisters. Funny how when Cole was around that had not happened. Leo remembered Cole and he had convinced Piper to find her inspiration to save the muses. Leo closed his eyes in horror. He had failed Piper by letting her worse instincts rule her and somehow, Cole the ultimate evil had been able to keep them in check.

" All of us should have realised " Phoebe said sadly, her eyes still red rimmed and her face pale and drawn. "At least Piper and I should have, just like we should have listened to Paige". She stood up and hugged her sister " You were right about Cole when he was the Source and you were right this time. God I am so sorry" Phoebe gave Paige another hug "I promise faithfully I will always believe you when you sense evil"

To Paige's distress and Phoebe's horror, Piper said " Well I won't"

"Piper" Phoebe breathed "How can you say that?"

"Because I mean it" Piper said . Then she softened " I am never going to believe that any of us could always be right about anything ever again. I just promise to listen very carefully to what you say Paige. I will promise never to dismiss your concerns about evil or good, no matter how silly they seem"

Paige stared at Piper for a second, then she started to laugh. She held out an arm to Piper and the three girls hugged. 

Paige sighed " This still leaves us with what do we do about Cole " she said " we can't kill him and we can't let him become the source "

Phoebe sighed " We have to stop him turning full on evil " she said.

" And how do we do that? " Paige asked.

"We have to pray he has not killed an innocent yet and get to him before he does. Then we have to find a way to convince him that he can resist the pull . " Piper said then added "I think "

Phoebe smiled through her tears " Stop it Piper, we know that's not pride " and Paige grinned "I promise we will tell you when its pride" and she held her hand's up" Scout's honour" she added and then said "How do we get Cole to resist evil. Get him to agree to strip the powers. Look what happened last time I tried that " Paige said.

" No " Piper answered " We .. know the answers. We know that is not the answer. " She hesitated then said "Tyler " 

Leo said "The fire starter, we bound his power. Bind Cole's "

Piper shook her head "I -we know the answer " she repeated " Every time, we' anyone has tried to remove powers from Cole, he's found a way to get them back, or they have found a way to get back to him. I think we can take it as a given, he is meant to have them " Piper looked at Leo " I told Tyler the answer. Why couldn't I have remembered for Cole. "

Leo looked confused. Piper took a deep breath " It isn't the powers, it's the way they are used "

" What " said Paige with more than a hint of sarcasm " We just have t o tell Cole that it's okay to have all these demon powers as long as you use them for good. That'll work."

" No" said Piper " we have to convince him to believe it "

Phoebe shook her head " Piper he said he tried to be good because he loved me . He said that was the reason. " Phoebe looked at her sisters in despair " Paige, Piper I can't lie, I can't tell him I love him. Because all I can see is the evil I nearly became because of him. The hurt and the pain and .. " Phoebe hesitated " the regret.. And I 'can't lie to him "

"So what have we got? What can we tell him? " Paige said.

Leo glanced at the girls " Maybe we need to think about it for a little while "he said. "There's not much we can do now." They all shrugged and went to bed. each one to consider their role in the way they had driven Cole to the point he was now at. Piper to reflect on her arrogance, Phoebe to wonder how a love so beautiful could have driven her to act with such hatred, Paige to wonder how she could have let the evil that had consumed her sisters intimidate her into not acting on her good instincts. Leo to wonder why once again he had failed to recognise evil when it was consuming his family

The girls were not much wiser in the morning about what they could say to Cole Actually Paige said with a low humour " Its easy. All we have to say is Hey Cole, we were wrong, we don't think you're evil yet and it will be better for the world if you don't go that way, as well as us by the way " 

Neither Leo, Piper or Phoebe laughed.

The next thing was to find Cole and it became abundantly clear at this point he did not want to be found. They tried a spell to call him; they tried scrying for him, and even tried ringing him at his apartment and work. His work said he was off sick and the phone kept ringing at the apartment. Paige and Leo orbed Piper and Phoebe to the apartment and it did show signs that Cole had been there very recently but neither calling or waiting did any good. Phoebe left a message for him, on the unmade bed and in the kitchen that needed cleaning. Phoebe felt a small bitter tear as she was reminded how she and Cole used to argue about his untidiness. More tears threatened to flow. She choked them down.

Piper was getting angry and desperate " We have to find him before he kills an innocent " she raged. Seeing Leo's look she muttered " It's the innocent I am thinking of " she muttered. "Someone who does not want to die to turn Cole evil "

" We know, we know " Paige answered, smiling.

Piper sighed " I cannot believe how every thought and every word could lead to such dangerous places and now I have to keep reminding myself " She smiled " It won't turn us evil if I say right at this moment I hate Cole for what he has brought us through. " She saw the expression on her sister's faces "All right I'm just really pissed at him, "

" Pissed is good " Paige said.

They tried again to find Cole but he had obviously determined to use his powers not to be tracked in any way.

" He covers his tracks so well " Paige raged.

" Perhaps we need to find him somewhere where he still has not left tracks " Piper asked.

" What? " said Paige and Phoebe together

" The future " Piper answered. "He sent messages back a few weeks ago from his future, probably the future Phoebe saw, so maybe if Phoebe can get a premonition of him doing something in the near future, maybe she can project into it and get him to come, to talk. "

Phoebe tried and could not. Paige concocted a potion to give her more control over the premonition but for a little while things looked very bad when Phoebe faced something she did not want to, they needed top focus on a particular incident of the future, and the only one they could think of for certain with Cole was that sometime in the very close future he would cross a line and kill an innocent.

She needed something of his and something of his that was close to evil and it took Phoebe much courage to pull out from a hidden drawer in her dresser the athame that she had kept so long ago when Cole declared his love for her in the mausoleum, that very first time.

She sat on the floor surrounded by candles as the girls chanted a search spell. Paige thew the portion and Phoebe collapsed forward. She opened her eyes to find herself standing in a small side street near the harbour. She seemed alone, no sign of Cole and at first she saw no sign of any other people.

She wondered why Cole would choose to kill an innocent here. Then she noticed the three homeless men under the staircase and her memory stirred. To a time when the Brotherhood were killing the homeless seers. If Cole was returning to the underground the first thing he would do is make sure the seers did not announce it to the forces of both good and evil.

Almost on cue, Phoebe looked up and saw Cole shimmer in. Not far from the seers. He looked worse than the last time she had seen him. The three day beard was now a full fortnight beard and she rather doubted he had showered or washed in that time. He wore jeans and a grubby shirt and looked nearly as down and out as the people he watched.

Cole raised his hand, but did not call up an energy ball. He stood there starring at his hand as if he could not believe it belonged to him, and then he started to shimmer out, to Phoebe's relief and then he returned, the blue eyes suddenly over bright, and angry and very alien to Phoebe. He looked at his hand again and she saw the fire start to form.

With a huge effort of will, Phoebe pulled herself into being part of that future. She fully materialised in the alley and called Cole's name. At first he did not seem to notice her and she called louder and he turned to her.

****

" Such a surprise " he said nastily " Come to stop me killing an innocent have you "

****

Phoebe nodded slowly.

" And how are you going to do that " he asked in an odd high voice that to Phoebe in her heightened telepathic state did not seem part of him.

" I've been calling for you " Phoebe said avoiding the question " Didn't you hear, didn't you get my messages."

Cole eyed the homeless men under the stair then turned to Phoebe. His eyes changed colour., less brilliant and his voice seemed more like his own when he said " I got the messages about 3 days ago. Nothing I want to hear from you, unless it's maybe I love you and I want to be with you "

" No " she whispered.

" Didn't think so " he said his eyes blazing dark and his voice back to that strange high sound,.

" Cole " she said " don't do this. "

The eyes blazed bluer and crazier " Cole "she said again " I'm begging you "

" For a second his eyes blazed bluer than ever and then he smiled, a nasty angry hard smile that truly frightened Phoebe " That's not playing fair " he said in his normal voice " Threats are much easier to deal with, ignore. Begging hmm. "

" Cole " she said again pleading.

" Why shouldn't I " he asked as if he was chatting about illegal parking. "I kill these ones and I can sneak into the underworld, without anyone knowing I'm coming, without any complications, I can rule again. All I have to do is kill a few seers and no enemies there are ready for me. Mine for the taking "

" Cole " she said slowly " you never wanted to rule, you never cared about that sort of power, you always said you would be crazy to even think about it " then she realised what she had said and stopped. After a few seconds hesitation that seemed for ever, Phoebe braved it " If you kill them " she said " You would be evil "

" I am crazy " he said " I am evil " he added unpleasantly " I have no choice but to be evil. Everything I am is made of these evil powers; even the body I corporalised using them is evil, you told me so yourself. "

" You will be evil if you kill an innocent " she said " and you are not crazy. You are just hurting so badly that its easier to let it drive you insane, Cole you're just frightened of being evil and trying to find any way you can not to feel it. And god Cole, I know why anyone would do that. " There was not a hint of understanding in his drawn, hard expression or the rigid stance of his body, as he stood, facing her, fire lights burning on his hand. Phoebe tried again " But if you need to be crazy to be evil, you are not really evil, not yet, just in pain."

He raised the energy ball in his hands and she flung herself in front of him catching his arm. "Cole " she pleaded " You are not fully evil - yet. You know how it works, you are not evil until you kill an innocent, a real innocent " she added catching the anger in his yes and remembering how she had accused him of murder with Miller and the two bikers " Don't do it Cole " she said again in agony, for him, for her, for what it would cost if he did it " You still have a choice Cole."

He looked at her half crazy " I believe that" she said " He glanced down where she still had hold of his arm and she slowly let it go " Cole " she said still pleading " We have to talk. You have to talk to my sisters and me. You have to come to the manor so we can work this out "

" Got a new trick " he asked nastily. But it was his own voice and his eyes looked almost normal, angry, hurt but no blazing evil or madness.

" Please" she said

" I'll think about it he said and laughing he shimmered out

Phoebe came out of the premonition; to face the concerned looks of her sisters and all she could tell them was that he said he would think about. And then all the three could do was wait the three days to see if he would come.

Phoebe spent three long and hard days thinking and facing all the thought she had hidden since the day she had touched her husband 7 months before and been confronted by the vision of him as the source of all evil.

In the time she had blamed him for her pain and confronted the fears of her own nature and its closeness to evil, the loss of her child, the torture of all she had faced. The loss of her own innocence and behind it all the aching pain of memories of the time she spent with a one time demon and how she had once loved him and believed the goodness of their love would preserve it for all time.

And for the first time she had cried for the loss of that love and wondered why she had been put through it all to end so bitterly. And for the first time, after she cried the loss she was able to remember the things that had been good about it. She remembered the selflessness Cole's love, the trueness of it, the times he had risked his life, his soul, to protect her, to protect innocents and to protect her family. She wondered how they ended in this mess and then she remembered that without him, simply the Charmed Ones would not be. She had had the perfect love, and the cruelty of its loss became as overwhelming as all the other loss.

As Phoebe faced the awful path where that tragic love had taken them, she found the answer, and the answer was one that Cole had told her long ago. That Cole had always known the answer and so had she.

And then she had to face the realisation that her capacity for evil had nearly taken her down a path that destroyed them. And only the memory of laughing blue eyes and a special smile of love had saved her.

He had told her so long ago that evil could not love and while he loved her he could not be evil but as his love for her descended into an unquenchable lust he had fallen toward evil. And as she remembered the things that had past between them, she remembered all the times he had fallen. And how he had picked himself up. How she had admired and loved him for his courage and determination to keep trying, no matter how evil tempted him. And she had faith in him then, she had had faith in his courage and faith in his love. And then she knew what would stop him now, not vanquish not stripping his power. He had told her how Raynor had turned him evil. Raynor had destroyed her faith in him. Faith that was the secret of it all. He had comeback from the dead determined to be good. And he had tried. When had he started to lose it was when she had lost faith, when she had told him he was evil, that his good deeds counted for nothing because he did them with evil and she cried long and bitter tears.

Paige and Piper had been more forgiving of her than she was herself but all three were very frightened as they faced the fact that the only salvation for the world, for all of them, was if a half mad and bitter demon could find, somewhere in the memory of the good man he had once been, the strength to forgive. If he could find a way to love Phoebe without lust or expectation of return. It was a great deal to ask. What soul would answer such a call to pain. One maybe who since the day he fell in love with Phoebe has until pushed into madness had always unlike Phoebe been completely selfless in his love. Could he find enough goodness in his soul to be selfless again.

Cole came, 12 hours after the time Phoebe had left him. He shimmered into the attic the morning after as all three girls having given up hope he would come, were searching The Book of Shadows for anything that would help. They were frantic. During the night Paige had twice orbed Phoebe back to the alley. Once to repeat the conversation she had with Cole, as it really happened while Paige stood hidden away in the shadow, a strange surreal conversation and nothing, nothing changed it. It ended the way the last one had. After Cole left, the girls tried to get the innocents to move but they flatly refused and Phoebe and Paige had waited a number of hours in case Cole returned but he either chose not to come while they were there or had, hope of hope, changed his mind. They finally left but a few hours later Phoebe and Paige both returned to check the homeless innocents. To both girls relief Cole had apparently not come back.

Cole shimmered into the attic so quietly that for a few seconds the girls did not realise he was there. Phoebe turned to see him standing there watching her intently and for a second forgot all that had changed between them. "God " she said " Don't do that. You scared the hell out of me "

" I'm not God – he said slowly almost awkwardly but he smiled a little as he said it. The smile left his face as he indicated the Book of Shadows " Still trying to find a way to vanquish me " he asked nastily.

" No " Phoebe said " just to find you. " She took a deep breath " We have to talk " she said.

" We " Cole asked suspiciously looking at her sisters .

Piper stepped forward "All of us " she said firmly.

" What have you got to say that I would want to hear " Cole asked bitterly.

Piper took breath "I have to say I'm sorry " she said 'I am sorry for the .. the vendetta "

Cole looked at her stunned; he blinked opened his mouth to say something then blinked again, and turned to Phoebe almost helplessly lost for words.

Then he leant against the nearest door jam and folded his arms " And " he smiled and it was not pleasant "Now I am supposed to say. That's okay no problem's, you've said you're sorry and I'll be a good boy from now on "

" We're all sorry " Paige said

" Yes " said Phoebe

" And I thought I was crazy " Cole breathed.

Phoebe walked toward Cole and to her horror he shrank back as if the closeness of her repelled him. She stepped closer and touched him and he flinched as if burnt but he did not pull away. She pulled him closer into the attic while he stared at her hand as if it was burning him.

" I had a premonition " she told him and described to him what she had seen, told him what they became if he became the source . 

"And it will be all right if I find a way to become good again " Cole smirked bitterly

" Stay good " Paige interrupted

" What happened to Cole you are evil, Cole you have evil powers that make you the ultimate evil. Cole you must be vanquished . Cole we will exterminate you on out terms. Cole we are coming to get you " he asked almost hysterically.

Phoebe glanced at her sisters and answered "We were wrong " she said.

Cole tried to say five different things and did not get the words out. Finally all he could say is " I'm evil Phoebe. Can't be anything else, Don't have a choice "

" You always have a choice " she said and they both stopped remembering when those words had been said in this same attic, in a different time. Phoebe glanced to Piper and Cole followed her glance. He met Piper's eyes and then turned away as she lowered her glance.

" I'm out of here " Cole said angry refusing to give in.

Piper called his name and he turned back to her " There has been evil since you came back Cole, " Cole's expression was ugly, dangerous. Piper continued "Cole its been us, its been me. " 

Cole laughed " and I am supposed to be grateful for the kind words"

Piper looked as if she was getting angry and then caught her temper. she tried to tell him what she honestly felt. Hoping that to reach any small amount of good that was left. " You remember when you stopped Prue taking vengeance on the Seekers, you knew then it was not the vengeance the infliction of pain but the need to protect the innocent that was important, that was good and you reminded Prue. There was no-one here to remind me. All I could think was not that I had to stop you but that I had to hurt you, make you feel the pain that you made me feel and the people I loved, feel . " She stopped hoping to see some softening but if anything Cole's face was grimmer. 

Piper tried again "And then I discovered I had the power to do that and it just took me over. " She touched her stomach. "I didn't even know it was consuming me. I thought it was for all the right reasons. " She pleaded with him " Cole you know evil, you know better than anyone what it does. I could feel evil and I could not see anything evil but you and it seemed if I van -killed you I killed evil. It just consumed me."

He nearly relented, and then it caught him. "It seems we 're both evil " he said " see you in hell Piper "

" Cole " Phoebe called "

" What are you going to tell me " he snarled " that you love me, that if I try and be good. I can have you; well at seems like if you are going evil." He stopped "Are you going evil? Well if you are it seems to me I get what I want."

She started to cry

" Do you love me Phoebe " Cole asked in a voice she knew well, one she had once loved. "No " she answered. She saw his hurt and added " I don't know. I don't know anything any more. All I can feel is the pain that you caused. The pain that happened to me because of you. I loved you and it nearly destroyed me and I am so frightened of that ever happening again"

" But "she continued "Cole. I saw you trying to be good and something, evil in me made me want need to destroy you. You could not be better than me. Because if you could return from the dead and be good, it made me something very, very bad, " Her eyes pleaded with him and Cole caught by her pain looked away. Phoebe whispered " If you were evil it made me better than you. Cole all I could think of was what had happened to me, how everything happened to hurt and destroy me, so I wanted to destroy you and II could do it ."

" Oh really how " he said pleasantly a voice that frightened all the girls as they realised how close he was to crossing to evil. " could destroy your hold on good " Phoebe whispered. " All I had to do was tell you that you were evil, you trusted me when I said you could be good, you believed me when I told you that you were evil. "

He just looked at her.

" Can't you say anything " she said.

" Hmm " he said " Thanks, "

Leo and had been silent through this. Finally he intervened to say " Cole you wanted to be good. Okay the girls- we convinced you could not be but we are saying you…we were wrong."

Cole suddenly turned on him blazing. "For six months " he roared "I've heard nothing but how good you all are, how you decide what is right and what is wrong. No matter what I tried, I was evil and you all knew what was right. Everything I ever did, every innocent I tried to help, I was evil because the means I tried to help were acquired through evil. For six months I've had nothing but anger and pain and now suddenly I am supposed to say oh gee its all right and I'll be good because you want me too."

Leo could only sigh and agree. " We were wrong " was all he could say.

Cole finally could stand it no longer. "I'm out of her; I want to be evil " he said " it does not hurt when I'm evil. Do you know I am wanted when I am evil. Hell evil embraces me, when I am evil, I belong."

Paige who had been silent through this finally spoke.

" Cole " she said

" What? " he snarled 

" Cole " she asked "Do you love Phoebe, want to protect her, like you did when I first knew you? "

" No " he answered " I want her " but his voice cracked.

Paige pushed " When I first knew you, I remember you told her you would do anything for her but be a coward. Isn't that true any more? "

He started to say no but swallowed the word. Paige saw this and tried again " Cole if you cannot find a way to be good, then we're lost and you'll be evil and we will destroy you and then we will be evil and we will be destroyed, "

Paige looked at Cole and then glanced toward Phoebe standing in touching distance of Cole, her hands tightly clutched, her eyes never leaving his face. Paige continued "You see I think, I think Cole that maybe you and Phoebe are tied closer than we like to think. Phoebe told me that you once said loving her was your hold on good but I think her ability to be good is maybe tied closer to you than is fair. Because every time you have been evil so has she " and as Phoebe gasped in horror " and when you are good so is she, do you want her to be evil, to be as ugly and as crazy as I see you "

" You still have a choice Cole " Piper added

"And so I have to take on the pain of the world to save you again " he asked bitterly. " I have to feel and hurt and be good and be damned for it, just to keep you safe"

Piper and Paige glanced at each other and at the demon who stood in front of them, eyes blazing, in anger and pain.

Phoebe had gently put her hand to his face. " I'm in no danger " she said softly "Cole you want to be good. That is what it comes down to. Not because I make you or because you can only have me that way but because you want to" He looked down, blue eyes no longer half mad but angry, bitter and hurt. Phoebe took a deep breath and continued " That's why you are going like this because your worst fear is the same as mine, turning evil again. I think you can win. I think you can be good"

"And how I am supposed to do that " he snarled

Phoebe smiled through tears " We were told that we already had the answers about..you. If we just listened to what we already knew. But so much of what I knew is what you told me. I think you already know what to do, just listen to your own advice."

"So I am supposed to be good, for the sake of good, alone, without you" he said but the bravado and even anger had left him and all that was left was a desperately unhappy and frightened man. Cole stopped talking, he looked at Phoebe and then gently reached his hand toward her face, stopped himself and shrugged helplessly then he turned and shimmered away.


	5. There's always a choice Chapter 5

There's always a Choice 

Chapter 5

The girls waited nervously, fearful for what would happen, for the next step but there was nothing. They called Cole and scryed but whatever he had done doing to block them from finding him earlier, he was still doing because they could not locate him. Nothing evil happened. The girls received a call from a witch being attacked by a demon sect. They helped, vanquishing the demons, gave her some peace. It felt good, just protecting an innocent. Piper looked to her baby's birth, Paige practiced her witchcraft. No sign of Cole.

They tested each other for evil, for what they wanted, for how they would act and each day, felt a little clearer a little safer, a little less sure in their sense of self importance. To their great relief.

Phoebe worried about what Cole was doing and almost felt some relief because for the first time in a very long time she felt concern outside her own well being.

She called Cole's apartment but there was no answer. Phoebe worried about how he held their destiny, about the innocents who would be lost if he could not find a way to stay, and she meant stay, good. She worried about her sisters and even little about Cole's well being. Once she touched the hairbrush and the premonition of a future with Cole evil came back but this time it was just a nightmare, a vision of maybe and she took some comfort in the unrealistic vagueness of the whole scene,.

Two weeks later with no contact from Cole, in a fit of panic she telephoned his law office ands was stunned when the receptionist said she was being put through to Mr Turner. She was even more surprised when he answered the phone in his normal, pleasant voce.

For a few seconds, she could not speak about as he went to hang up she got out the word "Cole "

"Oh " he said " Hi"

"How are you? " she asked soft careful.

" Good" he said hesitantly. And then more deliberately he repeated "Good "

" How are you? " he asked

" Good " she answered a little to quickly

" That's nice" he answered " It seems we're both .. good. For the moment any way"

She swallowed " You're back at work "

" Yes " Cole said, then he laughed "they're a bit pissed at me disappearing but you know a little magic can fix that "

Phoebe swallowed again "what have you been doing, since.. the last time we um ..spoke? " she asked

" Thinking " he answered to quickly. " Making choices " he said far to quickly.

" Good " she said

" Yeah " he said "I think so "

" I'm sorry " she said

And he stopped pretending " Sorry doesn't mean anything Phoebe " he said seriously. "Phoebe, I said sorry so many times and it didn't do one damn bit of good. So stop saying sorry. I forgive, is that enough? Can you forgive me? "

She choked " I don't know " she whispered

There was a silence.

" Cole what are you planning to do " she asked bluntly

" That's the core of it , isn't it" he replied "What am I going to do." His voice became gentler softer, " All right Phoebe, I think you are right. I have a choice and the choice that is the best one is the hardest one. I will try to be good. I can't promise you I will make it but I will try because Paige was right. I care enough about you to want what is best for you and I have to think that is you being good and it does look like when I am good you are good, so I guess we are stuck with that,"

Phoebe made a small murmuring noise but not find the words to answer.

Cole continued "I have thought about us a great deal Phoebe and I do love you and I will love you but I need you to stay away from me " he said as she gasped " Something you said when we last spoke. He added "You said we already knew the answers. Well I think you were right. I know the answers"

" What do you mean " she whispered.

" I once told you the answer- in a different place." Cole said softly, gently "You remember when you came to hell to rescue me and I told you couldn't save me,"

"Yes " she whispered fearful.

" You were right " he said " You can't' . You remember after I k.. after I killed that witch in the attic I begged you to save me, "

" Yes " she whispered

'What did you tell me then?" he asked.

'I told you to save yourself" Phoebe whispered.

" You were right, that's what I have to do " he said and hung up.

Cole stared at the phone and sighed . He was walking a long, hard road. He had known madness and pain and fear and he would know lonely, miserable nights when he longed for Phoebe with every fibre of his body. He would know days that he thought he would never survive and the secret he could not tell her, that it was not her belief this time that kept him going. Because he was no fool, and he knew she had to many doubts. It was the fact that she had finally found the courage to be honest with him and herself. She did knot know that it was not that he had hope, or even could dream of a future. It was that she gave him the gift of believing in their past.

Alone, all Cole could do was relive every aching memory of every second with Phoebe, of deeds unspeakable and those hideous, hideous months when the Source had stolen everything that was the best of him. He drank to much, cried more than he would ever admit, worked in a trance, stared at pictures of Phoebe and every day fought a battle with himself to save her. He was at first terrified of using his powers and held off. He was frightened of any black emotions, he was fearful of anger, of annoyance, even irritation in case it caught him unawares and the power took hold of him, until he got caught up in a court case working for a group of single mothers fighting a government bureaucracy. At a point in the negotiations, Cole and the two lawyers he worked with became angry enough to feel bringing down the government or at least their representatives was a viable alternative. Across a table, from a patronising, manipulative bureaucrat, Cole felt every bit of anger he had ever had rise in him. And he became overwhelmed at the fear of what that anger could do to him, when the thought of Phoebe pleading, begging him not to be evil struck him. He glanced down at his hand. It was empty, no energy ball, nothing. He was simply angry. From that point, he was able to use his powers, and not be evil, control them in a way had dreamed he could, all because he believed she had finally been honest to him and herself.

Three months later Phoebe sat in the parlour of the manor writing her column. The house was quiet but it would not be for long. Piper had had her baby daughter two days before, bringing joy and hope to the household. Paige was visiting her at the moment. Phoebe was a sadder and wiser girl. Never again would she be the innocent naive child she had been when she met Cole but in the person who sat cross-legged on the sofa typing her column was a woman who had looked at the worst and the best of herself and survived without hate and without bitterness. She had found her soul and in many ways that was her main comfort. She could not say she was happy. She was a woman to filled with the memory of pain and visions of regret and hurt but in all the sadness and the pain she had also found the ability to love again, because this Phoebe was a Phoebe who could, without denial remember all the great joys of love. As she typed a column about time and love and the importance of keeping faith the doorbell rang.

She stood up and her heart jumped even before she opened it, recognising the tall shadow on the other side,

"Hi "Cole said as she opened it. 

Phoebe glanced over his shoulder " You drive ?" she asked.

" No " he said " I just thought I better ring. Long time no see " he added.

" Come in? " she asked quietly.

" Yeah " he said.

Phoebe half pointed at the sofa in the parlour and Cole sat down awkward and uncomfortable. The silence in the house struck him. " Where is everyone? " Cole asked.

" Piper had her baby two days ago " Phoebe said.

" Oh" Cole said politely " Give her and Leo my congratulations " Then he smiled " Maybe I will see my -ahh- nemesis one day "

" How are you? " Phoebe asked awkwardly.

" Good " he answered deliberately

" Good " she said

" What are you here for Cole? she asked nervously.

" I needed to tell you something " he said." Something its better I tell you."

Her heart sank.

" It's okay – he answered quickly. " I just, well I haven't done that much on the side of good or bad lately. I just wanted to give myself time to think "

" And ?" Phoebe asked.

" I learnt a lot." he smiled " Power are powers. Use 'em for good or evil, You are what you are, What you do and why you do it . Not what people say you are, Or believe you are."

" That's good" Phoebe said

" Yeah" he answered.

"What did you want to tell me " Phoebe said still uncomfortable"

" I haven't had much contact with the underworld lately " he said in rush.

" I'm glad " she said.

" Don't be" he answered. Then awkwardly, trying to explain, and expecting to be judged, he continued "I just did go underground. I heard something. Got an inkling. I went back to check it out. I thought you should know. You might hear something about a about a new source, a resurrected demon . Well there is one. It's not me " he added hastily.

" God who is it " Phoebe breathed

" Tempus "Cole answered quickly " You really should learn to vanquish not defeat " he said at an attempt at humour that failed. " I just thought I better warn you that to be careful of any deja vu, any time twists. To tell you it wasn't me. I think " he said in a rush "I think the upper level demons will stay away from the Charmed Ones, to many bad losses and evil is not strong but I just thought you would want to know"

'Thanks " Phoebe said struggling to find words "it was good of you to tell me- us"

"Yeah" he replied just as uncomfortable. Cole stood up " I better go " he said.

Phoebe stood up too. "I have to say " she said awkwardly " I..I 'm glad you found a way. To be good, to hold on. "

" You helped " he said

" I did" she said hopeful "How ?"

Cole smiled, his eyes piercing blue. Suddenly Phoebe was reminded of how much she had loved that smile "That premonition you had, " he said "that was a future I would not wish even on some one I hated, let alone.. loved "

She choked a little as the tears welled up. " Then I can only thank God that Paige was wise enough to question, what we were doing -what we were,.. what I was feeling too, because if she had not. I don't think I could have got there myself. I know I could not have done it" she added.

" Yeah " he said unable to stop himself saying it " But then now I have eternity to keep fighting the battle to be good every day -alone. Fighting every instinct in my being. Think I can find some help. If it was just me, .. but it isn't , is it ? Don't answer that " he said " My problem not yours"

She caught his pain ands started to say she was sorry and he bit in " Don't. You. Dare say it. Don' t you dare " then he smiled ands she looked into those blue eyes that had once been the purpose of her existence.

Cole looked down he leaned slightly toward her and then slowly lifted his fingers to his lips and then touched her face " bye " he said " Tell Piper I am glad about the baby. "He walked through the door and Phoebe shut it. She leaned back on the door and a memory struck her and without thinking said aloud." I love that man" and then she caught herself and changed "I loved that man " she sighed.

**……………………. **

****

**_The guardians watching nodded. The younger one then sighed. " This time at least they made the right choices. The good ones " _**

****

**_ " Yes " said the older one " but that is the thing about choices. It is a matter of trust and faith, and so often the faith is rewarded. They do make the right choices if you can trust them enough to find their way". _**

****

**_The guardians watched the one time demon who was now the most powerful being in the realm, stop at the top of the manor porch, he turned and glanced backward at the shadow form of the witch he loved leaning against the glass door, then he sighed and shimmered away. _**

****

**_"And so it begins " murmured the younger guardian._**

The End


End file.
